the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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