i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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