is your mom at the bar?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
