Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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