She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize