Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
