Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize