If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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