oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
