I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
