i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
