When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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