it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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