I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
