That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
