Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
