I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
