She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
