I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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