I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
