Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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