guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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