before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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