God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
