I CAN MOONWALK!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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