I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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