he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
