i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
