He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
