Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just pee around me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to calm my uterus...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
