It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
