im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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