just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize