im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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