I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
