I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
