you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
