She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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