I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
