Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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