I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
