Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
