its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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