Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
