Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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