Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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