I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
