I will die if light touches me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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