I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
