And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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