marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize