I just made out with a guy for $7.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize