5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
