drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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