Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
