I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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