I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize