i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
