my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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