Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
