You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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