loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
