i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
