He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
