Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
