i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Are my feet made of real feet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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