i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
