Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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